Feelings

 

Feelings

When I first found Holly Lisle’s classes I had been writing for over twenty years. I had story after story started. And I had none of them finished. I am good at creating characters. I have a commercial style of writing. I have an imagination that doesn’t quit. Why couldn’t I finish a story?

I didn’t think I was afraid of failure. It’s the journey that fascinates me, not the destination. I didn’t think it was fear. I have faced down more demons in my life than I can count and I’m still standing . Lack of confidence? I didn’t think so. I’m able to look at my work with honest eyes and evaluate the strengths and weaknesses.

I discovered something a few months ago. Something that has changed the way I work. I figured out that I didn’t trust the market. Why should I give somebody else the right to decide if my work is good or not? The agents/editors/publishers don’t know me, or my work ethics, or my dreams. Why should I put myself on the page, invest in a tremendous amount of time, and give somebody else the right to tell me I wasted it?

I’ve been watching the publishing world change. I’ve been waiting to make up my mind. Two months ago, I decided that when my product is ready, it’s going to be published. Period. I have chosen Kindle and Createspace. I’m aiming my work for e-pub and suddenly my energy level changed. My brain kicked into high gear and I’ve become the CEO of my own fate.

I sat down,wrote up a business plan, broke it down by the year, month, week, and day. I am working like a wild woman. I’ve never experienced such drive, determination, and confidence in my entire life. I am sending out queries to agents for one reason. I want to say I’ve done it all. I want to earn my place and to do that I have to walk the path set before me. If the door to an agent doesn’t open, I’ll simply go around them.

The power is in my hands and I’m running with it. I’ve figured out what my block is and it turned out to be my own indecision on what and how I wanted to walk this path. I was sitting on the fence and that’s an uncomfortable place to be. In fact, I’ve knocked the fence down and the whole world is open. It’s my choice and I’m running. It truly feels like I’ve been set free.

2 Responses to Feelings

  1. Byl says:

    Bout time you put something new in here. You want hits, talk and promote the reason you want us to look in here.

    • C. L. Roth says:

      Byl,
      It’s not like I don’t keep busy. I have a lot of things I want to put in here. Just haven’t got my time organized as efficiently as I need to. Or rather, I haven’t figured out how to organize everybody else’s needs to accommodate mine. Promotion ideas are welcome.

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